I put myself on a diet, I started this morning.  It’s going to be along the lines of a carnivore-centric Atkins-style diet, but in reality I’m not gonna be that hardcore about it, because I love my veggies too much. I’m just eliminating or severely cutting down on most of the bad-guys they talk about — completely cutting out bread, pasta and potatoes for awhile and, most importantly, ALL forms of sugar.  I’m gonna try this for a few weeks at least, or longer if I can keep it up and still feel healthy.  I want to cut down on caffeine a lot too so I won’t be craving the sugar quite as much.  I’m hoping this will stop me from being such a chemical-bag of emotions all the time, and will stop me from gaining weight now that I quit smoking.  So, we’ll see how this goes… one day at a time, one vice at a time right?

I’ve been feeling lots better since I quit — I’m exercising at least 45 minutes to an hour every day and the whole thing’s been marvelous for my health, but I keep pigging out on fruitstuffs and bready-things, and I started gaining my weight back again — I’d lost 15 pounds since January and now I gained back about half of that in only a week or so, goddammit!!  I’m exercising more than ever, but STILL… I think it’s all the bread and the fruity-things giving me a problem.  Being fat isn’t the end of the world, but I really don’t want to be such a bitch all the time.  Just can’t seem to control my mood-swings.  I know the feeling and I know what’s going on: my blood-sugar is out of control.  Not horribly, but enough to put me in a very bummer mindframe just a little too often for my tastes… if I’m breaking down into fucking tears for no good reason, and it’s happening once or twice a week, that is too often!  So I want to cut out all sugars for awhile until my body gets used to regulating that shit on its own.  That means no smoothies, no fruits, no juices, no diet sodas unless it’s the right kind, which I haven’t gotten around to researching yet.  Caffeine’s a problem too — I’ll allow myself a cup or two in the morning to prevent the migraines, but I’ll stop drinking it the rest of the day, in favor of water, water, water.

Lucie, Rian and Matthew especially deserve gleaming gold medals for helping to keep me on the right path for the past few weeks.  I would be such a basketcase if it weren’t for y’all’s support lately.  :-) Thank you Lucie for keeping my head together.  Thank you Rian because I’m kicking ass and playing music again.  And thank you Matthew because I’m laughing, distracted from heavy thoughts, and I can finally get a full night’s SLEEP again!!!!  xoxoxoxox to all of y’all.