Note: This is a journal entry — it was written on paper or on my computer, then transferred to my website, maybe years later.
It’s been over a week since I’ve written in this thing! That’s because of my New Boyfriend! D. God, we have been hanging out together every single day the past couple of weeks.
Here’s what went down: I guess it was Sunday night when we had been doing a lot of kissing around, and D. got overwhelmed and told me (as he’s walking out the door of course) that he just didn’t want to jump into a boyfriend girlfriend kinda thing. I came back with some fat lie like "Well maybe I’m not ready for that either!" "Oh yeah, well good!" "Fine!" Now it really wasn’t like that at all, but that was the feeling of it. I was so depressed the next day, because it was like the story of my life — I meet a guy, I like a guy, we get a little close, and he exits stage left. But D. called me at work, being the kind and gentle D. he is, and wanted to meet me at Canal St. to get another phone cord and stop by the "Wreck-a-Stow." We ate at a Chinese place on Canal but I couldn’t even eat my food. I just picked at it.
We walked up Mott St. and I found the Hello Kitty store and got a notebook and a whistle and a pencil + pad set, like I don’t have a million of those already. Then we stopped by Downtown Records and I got 2 CDs, Mazzy Star and His Name Is Alive. Mazzy Star is, like, my Favorite Ab-lum right now.
Anyway, I was sad but I was really trying to act normal. I thought I should be able to deal with it if he just wanted to be friends. I have an excellent life even without a boyfriend. Or maybe especially without one.
The next day we hung out again, and this time I was much better moodwise — obviously he liked me enough to want to spend every day with me whether we’re kissing or not. We hung out a lot with Jessica and Diane at the Ships Mast, we’re a regular gang now. So one night we’re sitting here in my bedroom smoking pot, etc., and I finally get the nerve to tell him, "D., I can’t help it but I just really want to kiss you sometimes!" He admitted to having the same feelings, and we talked about it and kissed some more and agreed to stay cool and not rush things and see what happens.
We hung out every day, playing guitars and kissing around and driving the car and kissing around and going to the bar and kissing around, you get the picture. And Friday night he spent the night but we STILL didn’t go all the way, but we did talk about everything, AIDS and all that. And last night he spent the night again and we did end up going all the way finally. It was great, albeit kind of weird as first-timers often are.
Yesterday, no, this whole weekend, was the best I’ve ever had spending time with D. We washed clothes together and played guitars together and I even played drums. I am in love with D. and he loves me but he’s just scared to admit it just yet.
D. is the perfect guy for me. Well, he’s human and he’s not perfect and neither am I, but we do have an awful lot in common. Our lives seem to be dovetailing together quite naturally, which is nice! He is a wonderful person, a really kind and light-hearted and sweet person. He has a stable job, he’s supporting HIMSELF in his own place, he has his own car, he’s a self-made man. He has a cool pad with a drum set in the corner. He’s messy like me. He likes the same foods. HE COOKS FOR ME!!!! GOD, THANK YOU! I love him. I swear I will try my utmost to treat him really, really well. Because he is a fine person and I really appreciate him.
Oh my God, I am so in love with him. We were sitting at the bar and he had his hand on my leg. He’s so sweet! The way he looks at me! I could die!! Oh my god, he has the biggest, bluest eyes you ever saw, as the song goes. And wild mad-scientist hair.
Yesterday Dave P. called and invited me + D. to his place for dinner. I couldn’t wait to get these two together. And Dave was in fine form, funny as all get out. Lynnie (or however you spell it) was off in Rhode Island for Thanksgiving so Dave was lonely for company. We watched Kitty Wells videos and smoked pot and drank beer and listened to music, it was great. We met Dave’s kitties Julio and Trixie.
Friday night, they had open mic at the Mast, ’cause Thursday was Thanksgiving. I was playing guitars with D. at his place, and I had just gotten a Hank Williams 40 Greatest Hits CD, and I had the tune "My Bucket’s Got A Hole In It" running through my head bigtime. And I decided at about 8:30 p.m. that I just had to go home, learn that song, and play it right now at open mic. So I did!! Even though I said I wasn’t going to show up to those anymore. Guess I’m addicted!
Wild Bill backed me up and I played the Washburn and the bucket song went over great. I did "Saving My Love" for Diane who loves Skeeter Davis also, and I forget what else — Weeping Willow I did. Wild Bill liked that one. And we did "Word Games," Wild Bill’s duet tune, and my voice sounded great! I mean, half the time I’m unhappy with how I’m singing, but sometimes I feel it just click. I even had Wild Bill play "Lovesick Blues" so I could sing it — those chords are too hard for me.
D. was really raving at me about how great I sounded. I always get embarrassed at that stuff, but I want to hear it anyway, you know? D. says I’m really determined. I guess I am, musicwise, but in a round-about sort of way. I’m determined to do my own thing. I should determine some new tunes.
Now please see other side of page, turn book over, and begin reading the pages the normal way from front to back, okay?