I’m not going to work today, I called in sick. I don’t want to whine about my aches & pains but I’ve been sneezing like crazy the past few days, there’s been a lot of emotional ups and downs this week, I haven’t been eating right or getting enough sleep and I really just needed a day to stay home, stay quiet and give myself a rest.

The business situation that was bothering me earlier this week has caused grief for all parties… people are on the defense, there’s been anger and bitterness and blame-you’s tossed around by everyone, me included! I’d probably be better off if I just kept my mouth tightly shut in these discussions but at the same time I can’t sit there and let people think that I don’t have an opinion of my own.

I get defensive when people tell me that I’m selling out, that I’m being led around and told what to do, careerwise. It’s true that almost everything I do is guided by the advice of people I trust. I’m not the kind of person that wants to do everything myself; I certainly could if I wanted to, and I HAVE, etc. etc… but I really want to work with other people, on the music itself and the business aspects of it and everything else. I work with (and for) SO many different people — all the musicians and writers and booking agents, radio and club people, not to mention the readers, the watchers, the listeners — the people who really make it possible for us to continue doing what we do. Everyone has something to give and something to say, and we all want and deserve to be heard! And we all have our opinions on how things should go, and what our roles should be in all this. There’s no way we can all be happy about every individual decision that’ll be made. Certain things get done and certain things don’t end up happening the way you’d hoped. But that’s just life. I wish it could be simpler… it’s a fucking soap opera half the time. It just really sucks when people’s feelings get hurt, whatever the cause. People that mean the world to me, that I love and respect… they’ve given ME so much that I want to do whatever I can to make them HAPPY, not disappoint them. I wish I had a magic wand so I could make showers of roses and chocolate kisses float down into the lives of everyone I came into contact with.

Oh well. I’ll shut up now.