I never did hear back from that lady that saw me at Schuba’s. Maybe I scared her off, which would be unfortunate… but I dunno, it still seems a little weird for somebody to be complaining about what I write in my diary. I am not a music reviewer! And the whole point of a diary is that I get to write about whatever I want… sure, I like to drop names but I shouldn’t feel like it’s my duty or nothin’. Yeah yeah, I know I’m being overly defensive; this whole diary thing is a big issue with me. I’m always questioning why I’m doing this and why I’d tell people the things that I do… always wondering whether I’m going too far over the line with what I say, or not saying enough. It’s dicey no matter how I look at it and I’ll probably never feel 100% right about it. But that’s true of everything I do, to some extent.
I went back to the Bottle last night. I’d stayed away for a week… a form of self-punishment for excessively geeky behavior (staring at the bartenders). It was another Drag City night, with Plush headlining and David Grubbs and Speed To Roam opening. Fun fun fun!! There were so many folks to talk to, so many pals all in the same room. The best part was that I finally got the nerve to talk to you know who. I was guessing that somebody had told him about my little problem, because he kept LOOKING at me… two or three times we were staring right at each other!! I couldn’t believe it, I wanted to rub my eyes and pinch myself… I’m sure I had this look on my face like I was about to keel over, it was totally unnerving!!
So finally it was getting too stupid… Tom the bartender started teasing me about it right in front of Kevin. He’s like "I wish *I* was somebody’s ROMANTIC INTEREST!! I wish somebody would write about ME on their website!!!" and I was all mortified, hollering "SHUT the FUCK UP!!" and flipping him the bird with both hands. And they’re both standing there laughing at me so I turn to Kevin and I’m like "LOOK. I’ve been writing about you on my website AND I’M SORRY OKAY?!?" And he sez "oh, don’t be sorry, actually somebody did tell me about that and it’s very flattering!!" Or words to that effect. I couldn’t really listen too close and I couldn’t fully look him in the eye, but at least I finally addressed him personally. I told him that I was really thrilled when I saw he’d bought my record, and he said yeah, he’d been listening to it the night before with headphones… said it was "sultry". Whoo-hoo!!! That just totally made my whole month. Maybe I’ll be able to act more normal now… or at least I won’t have to be ashamed about the staring; he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it too much. :-)
I finally went to check out Rian Murphy’s new place tonight. It’s crazy cool!!! And we’re so close to each other now, it’s great. I’m really diggin’ this new neighborhood!! I have everything I need right here, within two or three blocks. I’ve been unpacking stuff like mad… finally did my very last trip to the old loft space on Friday. All my other roommates had left; the metal band had gone to Boston with only a Ryder truck; they left soooooo much shit. It was really fun wandering around this huge loft space, taking whatever I wanted that was left over. I got as much as I could carry — traded my too-big dresser for a taller skinnier one; got a couple of small bookshelves; a cordless phone; a Dirt Devil vacuum; some clothes; even a rubber duckie!! I had to call Jeremy (the Drag City one) to help me load the shit into the new apartment. With any luck I won’t have to ask ANYbody to help me move again for a very long time!!
Today was sooooooo hot… I had to do another photo session with Alexis so we could get some color shots. (The last ones were all in black & white.) I only say "had to" because it was SO hot and I really did have a lil’ bit of a (love) hangover from the night before. Actually I really like Alexis, I think she’s the best photographer I’ve worked with… I don’t feel too stupid or embarrassed posing for her, I don’t know why. She never asks me to do anything, just lets me pose myself however I want… not that I’d mind if she did! Anyway, we drove to the lakeshore, over by the golf club at Irving Park Rd., and did like three rolls. I had all my makeup on, sweating like a pig, but hopefully that won’t show up in the photos!! I was wearing shorts and this little tiny tank top, black with white polka-dots. Showing a little skin this time!! I think I’m feeling less self-conscious about my body lately… I never used to wear shirts without sleeves but now I wear ‘em all the time. And I don’t even have any tattoos!! I’m so unusual.