Chicagoist points us toward an article in the Trib (DAMMIT, where oh where has my BugMeNot gone?!?) which attempts for the 5 billionth time to debunk certain myths about sex.  It’s a decent article and it gives me the chance to backpedal on something I said on Sunday and later deleted.

It was in the post about the Nekkid Guy, I made a snarky comment about his penis size… I did delete that phrase almost immediately, but… ::ahem:: a friend saw it before I did that, and gave me a little shit about it afterwards.  Well obviously when any woman says a guy needs penis enlargement, she’s using it as an insult!!  Duh.  Oh god… HOW I wish I could erase this image from my mind, like with LIGHTER FLUID… but yeah. The guy had been annoying me a lot, then I accidentally saw him nekkid, and I made that comment, but it was totally based in SCORN over his bad behavior.  And obviously it’s just a juvenile schoolyard sort of insult… there is no way of knowing how well any guy is gonna PLEASE you (and vice versa I would assume) until you actually get in the sack together, and that SURE as hell ain’t gonna happen in this case.  OH GOD NO NO NO.  Ha ha!!

I am a big fan of guys in general, I just like them a lot, I think they’re very fascinating creatures in all respects.  I am NOT a slut, no fuckin’ way… I’m a serial monogamist who totally favors long-term relationships over quickies.  In fact, "casual sex" doesn’t really exist in my repertoire and — maybe I’m Blocking but I can’t remember having a real quickie since high school.  Even then, they’d be better described as short-lived, ill-fated attempts at romance.  Under that definition then yeah, I have had a few of those in my adult years, but thank god there haven’t been too many or I’d really be a basketcase!!  I have a real hard time recovering from those… emotional disasters.  Entering into something with very high hopes only to have those hopes be dashed and realize you were probably just a booty call… that’s humiliating and leaves me feeling very pissed-off indeed.  I won’t give references but believe you me, you don’t wanna pull that shit on a girl like me.  I’m not a nutjob, I would never be the type to leave burning bags of doo-doo on anybody’s doorstep, key their car or camp out on their lawn, that’s not my thing.  I get my revenge the RIGHT way, ha ha.  First, I find a way to make a guy like that KNOW exactly how bad he’s made me feel.  I try to make him actually understand what he’s put me through, and hopefully feel some remorse for treating me that way.  Then I can move along and CASH IN, by turning my bitterness into great music.  I never name names, that wouldn’t be Artful.  I just throw it in the blender, I try to create songs which can never really be properly interpreted by anyone but me.  Even if I let someone believe a song is "about them", it’s really no more about them than it is about anyone else who’s made me feel the same way.

So have I made my point that I’m Not a Slut and Probably Not A Nutjob?  Heheh.  Yeah, well… but be that as it may, I make no secret of the fact that I do like the boys, I like being friends with them, and I’m utterly fascinated with their bodies on the rare occasion that I finally do get a peek.  Heheh.  And although I like to make jokes like "I like ‘em tall!", in my actual experience it is unfortunately true that usually, the more impressive (::ahem::) the guy, the colder the fish, especially if he brags about it beforehand.  And the last time I can think of where I told a guy, OMIGOD that is one unbelievable specimen of manhood!!  He looked at me like I was nuts and I started to realize my opinion was probably very much tainted by other factors; the guy was just plain talented, and that tends to make me see something as way bigger than it really is.

So there you have it.  Edith Frost has confirmed that size cannot possibly be any indication of actual performance.  As if I needed to say that!  Ha ha ha.  I hate to throw away a perfectly good weapon, but… I reckon no matter what I say, it still might come in handy should I need to use it for legitimate insult purposes.  Guys are just that insecure about their bodies, I don’t think that’ll ever change no matter what we say.  Us women are just as insecure too.

OMIGOD I just got scared shitless by jets screaming overhead… of course, they’re getting ready for the 2004 Air & Water Show.  Dammit, they gotta be so frickin’ loud, scarin’ all the birds and the sissy girls like me, when it’s not even time for the show?  I never really liked those shows.  I view them as… Displays of Superior Military Manhood (to bring us back on topic) and — though my own granddad died a fighter pilot, and of course they have to exist and I honor those who kick ass and those who dedicate their lives to (and sometimes die for) their countries — whether I believe in any war or not, you gotta honor those people, BUT — I still don’t like the idea of those damn air shows.  Too dangerous, too loud, too scary, TOO unnecessary IMO.  SIZE IS NOT WHAT’S IMPORTANT, YOU SHOWOFFS.